The beauty of blowjobs is that they are fun and arousing for both the giver and the receiver. Even though the person giving the blowjob is putting in work (it is a “job” after all), a survey of over 1,100 heterosexual and bisexual women found that an overwhelming 93 percent like giving blowjobs, and it’s safe to say just as many if not more penis owners enjoy receiving them.
In fact, one study suggests that oral sex improves a relationship’s quality, even in older adults. Despite all this positive information, our sex education doesn’t exactly help us in these matters and we’re never really taught how to give a blowjob, let alone how to give a good blowjob. Hell, we weren’t even told what is oral sex, or anything about the clitoris! So take the following as your full, comprehensive guide to giving fantastic head, from rudimentary definitions to next-level techniques that’ll blow minds…and other things.
What Is a Blowjob (Oral Sex)?
Despite its name, a blowjob doesn’t have much to do with blowing at all, though it can if that’s a technique you and your sexual partner enjoy. So, that being the case, where the hell did the term blowjob come from? While not confirmed, it’s believed the term “blow” was once a euphemism for sucking and was commonly used as a code among military pilots in the 1950s, according to the Thesaurus of American Slang. It’s also speculated that “blow” may refer to ejaculation. Since much of our sexual history remains a mystery (due to shame and secrecy), no one knows for sure.
A blowjob is slang used for oral sex performed on a person with a penis, often using the mouth, lips, and tongue. That’s the most general blowjob definition. Of course, as purveyors of sex toys, we support and encourage the use of sex toys during blowjobs as well, which we will delve into later when discussing techniques. Now that we’ve covered the basics, let’s get into the fun stuff.
Best Blowjob Tips
The art of the blowjob is subjective, meaning not everyone is going to enjoy the same techniques. The best thing you can do as an expert cock sucker is build an arsenal of blowjob tips that you can pick and choose from. Then, during the act, look for verbal and nonverbal communication to gauge what your partner likes best. Or, if you’re so bold, you could flat-out ask them what they like. Make sense? Great. Now let’s talk about technique with the best oral sex tips the internet has to offer.
Take It Slow and Set the Mood
Despite the turbo sex you often see in studio porn, slow and steady is the best way to begin most sexual acts. It helps our bodies relax into a sensation as opposed to being surprised by it. If you’re wondering how to give a good blowjob, here’s my advice: Be less goal-oriented when giving head. By this, I mean do it without the expectation that the penis owner will climax. That puts pressure on you and them and as a result, it takes everyone out of enjoying the experience. Performance anxiety is real, and just because somebody doesn’t climax doesn’t mean they aren’t enjoying themselves, though that’s often our initial thought. The truth is, there are so many reasons someone may not climax and very few (if any) have to do with you.
When it comes to giving head, people have a tendency to go too hard and too fast, so I challenge you to make your next blowjob about exploration instead, and just do what you both enjoy. Enthusiasm is one of the sexiest things someone can incorporate into a blowjob, both as the giver and receiver.
Wrap Your Lips Around Your Teeth
One of the more common complaints about blowjobs is that they’re too toothy. Understandably, someone’s teeth grating against a shaft like a carrot peeler may not be the most enjoyable oral sensation. But we use our mouths for blowjobs, and teeth are at the forefront of our mouths, so completely avoiding contact throughout the duration of a blowjob can be difficult, even unrealistic. So if it happens, it happens, just try your best to limit it.
The best way to avoid teeth during a blowjob is to wrap your lips around your teeth like you would when sucking on a popsicle. If you want to take things up a notch, stiffen and soften your lips to apply different pressures and offer some variety.
But just because some people don’t enjoy some tooth action during a blowjob doesn’t mean everyone is against it. For instance, some like when teeth gently graze their shaft, and some might enjoy soft bites at the base. A general precaution is to ask permission before using teeth, since their initial impression may be that you’re going to chomp their penis off.
Mix Up Your Hand Strokes
While yes, blowjobs are technically about using your mouth, you should most definitely incorporate your hands as well. It feels better, applies a firm pressure that your mouth cannot, and perhaps most importantly, gives your jaw some much-needed rest.
As for how to give head while using your hands, my two favorite techniques are below. There are more out there, of course, but I generally find them unnecessarily complicated and not as satisfying.
The classic: Stroke the penis as you would when giving a hand job, going up and down, fast and slow.
The corkscrew: The same as the classic, except you twist your hand in a corkscrew-like motion toward the head and down toward the balls. It’s the same motion you’d use when opening a jar.
The key in all instances is to use variety. Start with long and slow strokes, and gradually work toward firm and fast strokes, especially when they are nearing orgasm. While you’re getting handsy, feel free to stimulate the head (or glans) of the penis with your mouth and tongue, since the glans and the frenulum, a small band of skin found underneath the head on the underside of the shaft, are the most responsive and sensitive parts of the penis.
Since your hands are dry (in the sense that they aren’t as wet as your mouth, not that you didn’t moisturize) you will benefit from a liberal use of lube here. It makes the job much better for you and lessens the friction for them, and the wet stroking sounds are really, really hot. If you hate the taste of lube, just opt for flavored. They come in nearly any flavor you could imagine these days.
Try Different Blowjob Positions
No two penises are identical and switching up blowjob positions is a fantastic way to make the oral performance more pleasurable for them, and more comfortable for yourself. My advice for people is to look at the shape of the penis and think about how your mouth and throat are positioned. For example, if the person’s penis curves upward, sucking it while on your knees isn’t ideal, since the penis will be hitting the roof of your mouth. In this case, you’d benefit more from a 69 position. However, if a penis curves downward, approaching from your knees, or laying on the bed with your head hanging over the edge, would be beneficial. Of course, there are all sorts of different blowjob positions you can get creative with—just remember to assess the shape and approach strategically.
Let’s not forget that a blowjob is a visual experience as well, so you might want to consider positioning yourself in front of a mirror so that they can gaze upon your glorious ass while you’re servicing them.
The Wetter the Better
Nobody on earth wants a dry blowjob, so the first thing I always recommend a sucker do is place a glass of water on the nightstand before the hookup arrives (groundbreaking, I know). Next is lube. If you truly despise the taste or texture of lube in your mouth, there are a few things you can do as an alternative. Try chewing gum, sucking on sour candy or a lemon, gargling with a Xylitol-based mouthwash, or taking a shot or two of pickle juice. All of these options stimulate saliva production. There are even tasty mouth sprays designed for this same purpose, if you’re so inclined.
Deep Throat (But Only If You Want To)
Some of us have really bad gag reflexes, making it impossible to deep throat without potentially purging your lunch on your sexual partner’s lap. However, there are some deep-throat training techniques you can attempt to make deep throating a little easier. For example, try humming. Not only does it feel fantastic, but it lifts your soft palate, preventing you from gagging. Also, keeping your mouth open as wide as possible with your tongue fully extended can help prevent gagging, as it helps limit contact with the parts of your mouth that may trigger your gag reflex.
Thankfully, there are a number of toys you can use to simulate a deep-throat blowjob without having to venture much farther than the glans, my personal favorite being MANTA. When used at the base of the penis, MANTA simulates a deep-throating sensation, so you can comfortably rest in gag-free territory. (See the best toys for blowjobs here.)
Make Eye Contact During Blowjobs
Eye contact is important when it comes to giving a good blowjob. It’s a great way to establish intimacy, since it can be difficult to connect with somebody while your mouth is full and your eyes are level with their belly button. An eye contact blowjob shows that you’re into the person you’re hooking up with, while letting you witness their reaction to your oral skills. There can also be a hot dom/sub dynamic about eye contact, like you’re seeking their approval, or you’re confidently showing them what you do best. Mind you, you don’t need to be making eye contact the entire time—that might be a little strange—but a glance up every now and then rarely goes unappreciated.
Keep Your Tongue Soft and Loose
Your tongue has eight separate muscles and you want to use every one of them while giving a blowjob. Flex your tongue to give pinpointed sensations to the frenulum, coronal ridge (the edge of the glans, another highly sensitive area), and underside of the shaft (which is more sensitive than the top). Then, soften your tongue and lap it all up like an ice cream cone. I’ve mentioned variety before and I’m going to say it again: You’ve got to switch things up lest they (or even you) get bored. Kiss the cock, too—it’s just really cute and intimate. Generally, the only time you want to stick with the same technique is when they are nearing climax. When you get the verbal warning or courtesy tap, stay the course.
Don't Forget the Balls
Too many people neglect the balls when they’re giving a blowjob and I think the main reason is that people are fearful about just how sensitive testicles can be. The trick here is to be gentle at first. Some gentle massaging or tugging can feel wonderful. If it doesn’t, your partner will likely pull away, tense up, or tell you to stop. But if they appear to be enjoying themselves, you can try being slightly more aggressive; these are genitals after all, not fine china. But you don’t want to tug too hard and injure them, so just be careful.
You can get your mouth involved too by tonguing the balls, or placing them in your mouth and rolling them around. Sucking and tugging with your mouth can also make a ball sucking blowjob feel fantastic. The only thing you should not do is twist the testicles, because it hurts. Keep the right ball on the right and the left ball on the left. When giving a blowjob, try making a cock ring using your hand around the balls, with a slight pull. It also makes it easier for you, keeping the penis in place.
However, ball play isn’t for everyone. Some people hold excessive tension in their pelvis, which can make the area more or less sensitive to sensation. This means ball play can be unbearably ticklish for some, or offer little pleasure. That being said, it’s best to ask before stimulating the testicles.
Communicate About the Act
You probably rolled your eyes reading this. But the truth of the matter is that communication is the most important aspect of a satisfying sexual experience, and many of us are too sheepish to ask for what we want.
Sex being the vulnerable act that it is, we tend to think we might offend somebody when we speak up. But sex is for pleasure, and if you’re not enjoying yourself, then what’s the point? We should appreciate some guidance. Sex is subjective and everybody likes different things. After all, do you really want to strain your jaw and wake up with a sore neck for nothing? I don’t know about you, but if somebody was not enjoying the service I was providing, I’d rather know than have them waiting for it to be over with.
Of course, there’s a right way to speak up. Be considerate and ask for or suggest something, as opposed to demanding (unless you’re both into that). Blowjobs are a reciprocal experience, and just because the person receiving doesn’t have a penis in their mouth, that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own responsibilities, like being courteous and getting your penis blowjob-ready.
This doesn’t mean you should only communicate when being critical. It’s a great idea to give affirmations as well. The person receiving should speak up if they love what the giver is doing. Moan and tell them what feels good. Sucking dick can, for some, be a submissive, delicate space, so offering affirmations keeps everyone happy. This also helps the giver know what’s working, so they can continue doing more of that.
Bobby Box (he/him) is a freelance sex writer and educator who’s worked as Grindr’s sex columnist and Playboy’s resident male sex writer and advisor. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter.
This post was written by a guest blogger, and all opinions and ideas expressed are that of the author. All ideas included are for educational and entertainment value, and do not constitute medical advice.
