By Ashley Manta
Why Is It Important to Eat Pussy Spectacularly?
Perfecting the art of pleasuring your partner with pussy licking is a journey that intertwines technique and mindset. Your enthusiasm and attitude are crucial, taking intimate encounters from ordinary to extraordinary.
Eating pussy is both an art and a craft. Context matters, as sex educator Dr. Emily Nagoski reminds us in her book, Come As You Are. So let’s talk a little about the best way to eat pussy. Hopefully you’ve already read this fabulous primer on giving the clit a BJ, so you’re ahead of the game, especially about anatomy.
According to a 2012 survey of over 13,000 college women, “Receiving oral sex increased women’s orgasm, increasing the odds by approximately half in hookups with intercourse, nearly doubling the odds in all hookups, and more than doubling the odds in relationships.”
The Eating Pussy Pre-Talk
Have you ever had a pussy licking pre-talk? This is a step that most people miss. Folks go right into it without talking about anything first. If you’re newly partnered, have you had a safer sex conversation with your person? If you’ve been together for a while, are there any helpful hints or things that have changed since last time? Can you each share how you want to feel before, during, and after? “It’s especially kind (and incredibly effective) to remind the receiver that they are worthy of receiving,” says sex therapist Nicoletta Heidegger, MA, MEd.
The Importance of Enthusiasm for Eating Pussy
Most “best ways to eat pussy” articles focus a lot on technique. While having some techniques in your toolkit can be helpful (and fear not, we’ll cover those soon!), the truth is there are much more important factors at play. Across the board, every pussy owner I’ve ever known has said that the most important thing to them is enthusiasm. So let’s start there.
Pussy is meant to be devoured. With gusto. With a ravenous appetite rivaling that of the Tasmanian Devil. So many pussy owners get in their heads about smell, taste, texture, and appearance. It takes away from the experience of receiving. If you’re into it, and I mean REALLY into it, let the receiver know. Leave no room for doubt. I’m talking about diving in with reckless abandon and licking your fingers off afterward. That is the stuff of legends. That’s the detail that will blow up the group chat later.
Just to be clear—enthusiastic doesn’t have to mean fast. Savor it. Take your time. Find a rhythm that works and stick with it. Don’t lose the tempo!
As you work your partner, try to let go of expectations and savor the moment. If you’re stuck in your head about how quickly an orgasm is coming, or if it’s going to happen at all, that can keep you from enjoying what’s actually happening.
Letting Go of the Goal of Orgasm While Eating Pussy
Orgasm doesn’t have to be the goal of eating pussy (or any sex act, honestly). Statistically, it is more likely to happen from oral than from penetration for most vulva owners, but don’t let the numbers get in your head. You and your partner are both unique beings, and there are so many factors that can impact whether an orgasm is attainable on any given day.
Focus instead on pleasure. What feels good for the receiver? If they’re not super vocal, are there other nonverbal cues that might mean they’re having a good time? Can you check in periodically? Can you release any attachment to orgasm and just focus on creating as much space for enjoyment as possible? Now that your head is in the right place, let’s get your body into some FUN positions.
Top 5 Positions for Eating Pussy
- The Standard: This is the one most people think of when they think of eating pussy. The receiver is lying on their back and the giver is between the receiver’s legs, lying on their stomach. The receiver is able to fully relax and receive. This position can be tough on the giver’s neck, so consider using a sex pillow, like Jaz Limited Edition, below the receiver’s hips for easier access.
- On all fours: This could be 1) the receiver on all fours on top of the giver, while the giver lies on their back with their head on a pillow, or 2) the receiver on hands and knees and the giver positioned behind the receiver.
- Face-sitting: This position puts the receiver’s genitals directly on top of the giver’s face. It requires the receiver to have strong knees and quads and good balance if they’re in a squat position, or to have longer legs if they’re kneeling over the giver’s face.
- Perpendicular (Kivin method): The receiver lies on their back and the giver lies perpendicular to their body, creating a T or L shape. Rather than having the tongue go up and down the pussy, you go across it. It’s a fun way to change up the experience.
- Standing: The receiver stands while the giver sits or kneels in front of them or behind them, depending on height and comfort. This is a great position for the shower or for oral on the go.
Best Ways to Eat a Pussy
Since I know you’re hoping for at least a few specific technique suggestions, and I’m honestly quite weary of seeing the same “write the alphabet on the clit” advice, I chatted with my friend Niki, host and producer of the Double Teamed podcast. She shared some of her favorite techniques:
- Suction the clit outward, then flick it with your tongue. So much more stimulation that way. Think like when you have a lollipop in your mouth and then you lick it with your tongue inside your mouth.
- Pull the labia up and out with your fingers, then either flick the clit or lick it like an ice cream cone (soft tongue) with a consistent pressure and rhythm. Maintain it for several minutes.
- Tilt their hips up, spread the labia out, and dip your tongue in and out of their opening.
- Suck the whole thing (labia and all) in your mouth, then flick the clit at the top, preferably slowly.
I heartily endorse all of those, and offer a few of my own:
- Turn your mouth into a vibrator. Hum directly on the vulva, especially over the clit, and watch how the receiver reacts. You can create a similar sensation by placing a vibrator, like LAYA III, against your cheek or under your chin while you’re licking and sucking.
- Hot breath on the outside of the labia is a lovely warmup before you dive into direct stimulation.
- Suck on the inner labia gently while massaging the outer labia or the vaginal opening with your fingers. Layering sensations is a win!
- Put a vibe (again, LAYA III works great here) on the clit while you’re doing it. The added vibration can create sensation across the entire vulva, including the clitoral legs, which are nestled in the body beneath the labia and often overlooked.
- Flick back and forth over the clitoral glans like you’re strumming a guitar string with your tongue. Find a pace they like and stick with it!
- If you’re planning to incorporate rimming into your oral endeavors, make sure that you clean your mouth and wash with mouthwash before going back to the pussy. Here are some additional pro tips for eating ass and anal sex if you decide to go in that direction.
As a closing thought on technique, I’ll leave you with a tip from my colleague Joan Price, ageless sexuality educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50. “Rather than the alphabet, I suggest a version of the eye chart questions: ‘Do you like it better when I do this...? Or when I do this...?’ The vulva owner knows what works best, e.g. licking or sucking, circling or pinpointing, slow or fast, steady rhythm or ‘surprise me,’ for example.”
I agree with her, and I’d offer a similar suggestion to the receiver: It’s okay to say “harder,” “softer,” “faster,” “slower,” “keep that tempo,” “do it like this,” or any other feedback you have for the giver.
Helpful Accessories to Take Pussy Eating to the Next Level
I’m a fan of better living through better planning, so here are helpful supplies to have if you really want to lick pussy like a legend:
Toys
If you’re someone who doesn’t have a ton of tongue/jaw stamina, or who just wants to vary sensations, tagging in a teammate like LAYA III is a solid move. This allows you to stimulate multiple spots at once, whether you’re massaging the clitoral glans while tonguing the opening, or you’re vibrating the pubic mound while you suckle the labia.
LAYA III has a motor that vibrates and taps simultaneously and has adjustable speeds. It is also ergonomic, with a curve that’s designed to lay comfortably on the receiver, stimulating the clitoris or labia while you go to work on the vaginal opening with your tongue. You could also use it to vibrate the pubic mound or inner thighs, areas that have tons of nerve endings but are often overlooked!
Lube
It is an asset for so many reasons. It helps with glide, especially if you have a dry mouth or if your receiver isn’t producing a lot of lubrication (which is SO normal, for a variety of reasons). You can use any sugar-free flavored lube—SUTIL is always a winner.. As usual, check barrier (as in, condoms or dental dams) and/or toy compatibility before you mix those things with lube.
Dental Dams or Other Latex Barriers
Some people love the taste of pussy. Others don’t. Luckily, there are products like Lorals disposable latex undies, so you can lick pussy with zeal without getting fluids in your mouth. They’re also great for eating pussy while the receiver is menstruating, plus some designs have FDA clearance for STI prevention. Safer sex is hot!
Waterproof Blanket
This is a helpful item to have in your sexy toolkit for so many reasons. Especially if the receiver gets extra juicy, or you’re using lube, or you just don’t want to make a mess on the sheets, it helps to have a fabric barrier that you can toss in the laundry afterward, so no one has to fight over the dreaded wet spot. I’ve soaked through a few in the past several months, but the Fascinator from Liberator holds up like a champ.
Position Pillow
This is helpful for both the giver and receiver. Something like the Jaz Limited Edition is fantastic for elevating the receiver's hips to take pressure off their low back, while also putting their pussy in a more ergonomic spot for the giver (no more kinks in your neck)!
No matter what accessories you choose to include (if any), sharing feedback is a crucial component of being a pussy-eating champion. Having a heart-centered debrief after pussy licking is a great way to connect and integrate your experience with your partner’s.
Eating Pussy Debrief
The debrief is as important as the pre-talk. Give yourself and your partner a chance to share what you liked and what you didn’t like. What would you like to have repeated (over and over!) and what would you rather see retired from the menu of options? Share if there were any parts that were particularly memorable or that made you feel how you wanted to feel—whether that’s connected, worshiped, ravished, cared for, generous, savvy, talented, or serviced. Having these conversations is a black belt move!
Many people have questions when it comes to eating pussy; here are my answers to some of the most common ones.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I make pussy licking more enjoyable for my partner to receive?
Communication is key. Ask your partner what they enjoy and what feels best for them while having their pussy eaten. Everyone's preferences are different, so being attentive and responsive to their feedback is essential.
What if my partner is self-conscious about having their pussy licked?
Many people feel self-conscious about their bodies, including their genitals. This is especially true for people with vulvas, because patriarchy. Create a safe and supportive environment by offering genuine compliments and reassurance. Encourage open communication and let your partner know that their pleasure is your priority.
Are there any tips for making eating pussy more comfortable for the giver?
Using a sex pillow or cushion can help support the giver's neck and the receiver’s low back and make eating pussy more comfortable for everyone. Experiment with different positions from the list above to find what works best for both partners.
What if my partner doesn't orgasm when I eat their pussy?
Orgasm is not always the primary goal of pussy licking. Focus on providing pleasure and connection. Some folks may not reach orgasm easily or at all from oral sex, and that's entirely normal. The journey and enjoyment are often more important than the destination.
What if I'm not sure if my partner likes eating pussy or how to ask for it?
Approach the topic of eating pussy with thoughtfulness and curiosity. You can ask your partner if they're interested in trying it or if they've had positive experiences with it in the past. Create a safe space for open conversation and explore together at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.
Conclusion
We've covered everything from helpful supplies to those all-important pre-talks. These discussions about what feels good and the limits we set really lay the groundwork for some unforgettable experiences. And let's not forget the post-action debrief—essential for diving deeper into the connections we're making. Your preferences, as the giver or the receiver, are totally valid, and they're completely unique to you. Each new partner will have different needs and preferences, so these talks will never stop being beneficial!
And here's the big takeaway: enthusiasm is the name of the game. That eagerness to revel in every single sensation—that's what sets experiences apart. As you explore tips and tricks, remember that variety and open communication keep the good vibes flowing.
Oh, and speaking of vibes, the path to orgasm? It's like a winding road with no map. It’s less about the destination and more about soaking up the pleasure—making room for your desires and relishing every single moment.
Ashley Manta is an award-winning sex educator and coach and has become a sought-after authority on mindfully combining sex and cannabis as part of her CannaSexual® brand. You can learn more about her at ashleymanta.com.
This post was written by a guest blogger, and all opinions and ideas expressed are that of the author. All ideas included are for educational and entertainment value, and do not constitute medical advice.
