by Zachary Zane
Rimming—also known as analingus, ass eating, eating the booty like groceries, and asshole licking—has to be one of the greatest sexual joys in this lifetime, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “rimming” is simply licking your partner’s anus. The anus is a highly erogenous zone with numerous nerve endings, so it feels heavenly when stimulated. Not to mention it can be highly arousing for the top (the person eating the booty). There’s something both primal and naughty about rimming. It feels “taboo” and “dirty,” which is a turn-on for many folks.
While rimming is often thought of as being foreplay for anal penetration—the appetizer, so to speak—it can also be the main course. Being smothered by a big ol’ booty or having a tongue deep inside your hole can sometimes feel better than deep penetration.
As a sex writer who’s rimmed—and I’m not exaggerating here—well over a thousand people in my lifetime, I am uniquely qualified to provide some tips on eating ass and getting your booty eaten. (If you’re interested in hearing more about my ass-eating experiences, you should check out my book Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto.
Below I answer all your questions about eating ass and provide tips on cleaning prior, relaxing, the best positions, novel techniques, and ways to mitigate health risks.
HOW TO PREPARE AND CLEAN FOR A RIM JOB
While some people specifically like a dirty asshole, most do not. Not to mention, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy the sensation of having your anus licked if you’re worried about whether you’re clean down there. So washing your asshole prior really is a must!
“Rimming is generally a surface activity, so a deep-cleaning enema to flush out the content of the bowel isn't needed,” explains FOLX Health clinician Ahmaad Johnson, NP. “Thorough cleaning on the outside with soap and water is more than sufficient for most.”
However, if you do plan on having anal sex after (i.e., someone inserting their penis or a large dildo inside your rear end), then it might not be a bad idea to douche.
“A body-compatible douche, like the ones from Future Method, can leave you feeling clean, confident, and ready for whatever may come after rimming, without irritating the area or disrupting your anal microbiome,” says Evan Goldstein, D.O., a proctologist who specializes in men's sexual health at Bespoke Surgical.
TECHNIQUES FOR EATING ASS
While it may sound simple, there are actually many different ways you can eat your partner’s booty, and you can incorporate other body parts, dirty talk, and BDSM into your rimming scene, too.
1. BEGIN WITH GENTLE KISSES AND CARESSES AROUND THE BUTTOCKS AND THIGHS
While you can start by spreading your partner’s cheeks and diving right in there with your tongue, a little foreplay is often appreciated. Work your way up to their asshole. Massage their thighs, lick them, slowly work your hands and tongue towards their butt cheeks, and finally, tongue your partner’s anus.
2. USE YOUR TONGUE TO EXPLORE THE OUTER RIM BEFORE GRADUALLY PROGRESSING INWARD
Don’t immediately jab your partner’s anus with your tongue. Start by first exploring their outer rim, their external anus, with various licks and tongue pressure.
3. EXPERIMENT WITH LIGHT LICKS, FLICKS, AND GENTLE SUCKING MOTIONS FOR VARIED SENSATIONS
Some people like having their asshole jabbed by a tongue in rapid succession, whereas others prefer slower external stimulation. Some people like licks, whereas others like flicks and sucking motions. So experiment with different speeds, movements, and pressures.
4. LICK YOUR PARTNER'S HOLE LIKE AN ICE CREAM CONE
“The most common way to eat ass is to spread your partner's cheeks apart and lick their asshole like an ice cream cone,” explains Sophie Saint Thomas, AskMen columnist and sex educator for pH-D® Feminine Health. “Lick away using the tip of your tongue, or for additional sensation, flatten your tongue on your partner’s anus for more surface area. This can greatly enhance stimulation,” she says.
5. MAKE OUT WITH THEIR ANUS
Pucker up, baby! “Literally make out with the butthole,” says sexologist Alexa Andre, M.Sc. “Use your lips and tongue. Try to make it a wet kiss if you can.”
6. USE YOUR CHIN
You’ll notice that if you lick nonstop for some time, your jaw and tongue will start to tire. If that happens, lift your head and stimulate your partner’s anus with your chin. (You can also take a break by fingering your partner’s hole or gently massaging their anus with your fingers.)
7. SPIT ON IT
Make a big sexy show by spreading your partner’s cheeks and spitting directly on their hole. Or spit a little bit higher than their anus, so it trickles down their asscrack.
8. USE LUBE
“The ass is not self-lubricating,” explains queer sex educator Gabrielle Kassel, co-host of queer sex education podcast Bad In Bed. “In general, the wetter, the better ass-eating feels. Plus, wetness can help create slobbering, sloppy sounds that are aurally stimulating,” she says.
More specifically, you want a lubricant like SUTIL Rich, which is free from glycerin, alcohol, and fragrances, which can mess with the anal microbiome and make you more susceptible to irritation and infection.
9. APPLY PRESSURE TO THE PERINEUM WHILE RIMMING
The perineum, also known as the taint or grundle, is the small stretch of skin between your genitals (vaginal opening or scrotum) and anus. “Press one or two fingers into the perineum to stimulate the prostate or vagina externally,” Andre says.
10. JERK THEM OFF OR FINGER THEM WHILE RIMMING
While rimming, you likely have two free hands you’re not using! So, while you eat out their asshole, jerk them off, finger their vagina, or stimulate their clitoris, Andre says.
11. BRING SEX TOYS INTO THE MIX
If your partner has a penis, using FUN FACTORY’s MANTA stroker to stimulate their penis while eating their asshole is the BEST thing you can do. (I’m saying this from personal experience.) If your partner has a vulva, it’s best if they hold FUN FACTORY’s VIM wand against their vaginal opening or clitoris while you eat their ass.
12. MOAN INTO THEIR ASS
Are you enjoying eating their ass? Make some noise! Moan while you eat it with their booty cheeks smothering your face. Your partner will get turned on by seeing how turned on you are eating their ass.
13. GENTLY PULL ON THEIR BALLS WHILE RIMMING
“This one is not so known, but many penis owners love getting their balls grabbed during ass eating,” Andre says. “Simply grab them at the top (where they meet with the penis) and pull them toward you.” The strength will depend on their preferences, so check in and ask how hard they like their testicles pulled.
14. ENJOY IT OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM
Feeling a little adventurous? Head to the bathroom at a bar and do it in the stalls. “Have a little quickie ass eating session somewhere in public,” Thomas says. “This adds an even more taboo element that can get you both off.”
15. GET VERBAL
Both the giver and receiver can be vocal during ass-eating. “Whether or not your partner has a praise kink or words of affirmation love language, a little affirmation can go a long way during a vulnerable act like ass-eating,” Kassel says. “Some things you might say: ‘You taste so good,’ ‘I love the way you spread for me,’ ‘I could have you for dessert every day,’ and ‘The sounds you make drive me wild.’”
16. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR PARTNER'S REACTIONS AND ADJUST YOUR TECHNIQUE ACCORDINGLY
Change up your speed, techniques, and pressure depending on your partner. If you can’t gauge whether your partner is enjoying it, just ask them what feels good. And if you’re a receiver, do your top a favor and moan loudly when they do something you like or even say, “Yes! Keep doing that! That feels really good.” The more feedback you can give, the more pleasurable it is for everyone involved.
WHAT ARE THE BEST POSITIONS FOR RIMMING?
While there’s no “best position,” per se, as we all have our preferences, there are a few staples that are worth trying to see which one you and your partner(s) find the most pleasurable.
DOGGY STYLE
Doggy style is the most classic position for ass eating. Have your partner in a tabletop position before you, on their hands and knees. Then spread their cheeks and start feasting.
SPREAD EAGLE
Have your partner lie on their back and place their legs up in the air in a V formation, allowing you access to their hole. This position is great because you can easily jerk off or finger your partner while you rim them. Conversely, you can use both hands to hold up your partner’s legs, giving you a better angle for ass-eating.
LIFTED MISSIONARY
Like the spread eagle, lifted missionary is when the recipient is on their back, but they have a pillow or rolled-up towel underneath their butt, angling their hole upward, giving you a superior angle for eating ass. “It is a great alternative to doggy style and ideal for people who crave intimacy and eye contact [while eating ass],” Kassel says.
FACE SITTING
This is by far my favorite position for eating ass. Have your partner ride your face in reverse cowgirl. This position is excellent for booty lovers and those who like a little breath play. (Sometimes, you can’t breathe when your face is smothered, which is a massive turn-on for folks.) Additionally, the person getting their ass eaten can control the tempo since they’re on top. And you feel very dominant and powerful when riding someone’s face.
ANALINGUS 69
Okay, THIS one may be my personal favorite. While you’re eating your partner’s ass, they perform oral sex on you. You can have analingus 69 in a few different positions. You can do it while you’re both on your sides, but one of the simplest ways is to have your partner ride your face while they bend over and blow you/eat you out.
DON’T FORGET: COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION
At the end of the day, communicating with your partner is the most important thing to remember when eating ass. If you’re not enjoying it, speak up. And check in with your partner, asking if they’d like you to switch the speed, position, or technique. Oh, and if you head down there and smell something, don’t shame your partner. If they asked you to rim them, just kindly let them know you’d like them to wash up quickly before stuffing your face down there.
FAQS
WHY ASS-LICKING IS IMPORTANT
Here’s the thing: If you keep having the same type of sex repeatedly with your partner, you will inevitably get bored. As corny as it sounds, variety is the spice of life. Getting your booty involved is one of the simplest ways to change your sexual repertoire. It physically feels incredible because of the sensitive nerve endings, similar to the ones in your penis and vagina. It’s also psychologically arousing. You feel “naughty” and “nasty” eating ass. So, especially if you find yourself in a rut with your partner, you should give ass-eating a try. Even if you’re not in a rut, it’s still worth exploring because it’s always FUN and pleasurable to try novel sexual activities.
IS EATING ASS SAFE?
Before you become a pro at eating ass, it’s necessary to consider the health risks associated with rimming. See the answers immediately below.
WHAT ARE THE POTENTIAL HEALTH RISKS INVOLVED WITH RIMMING?
While rimming is mostly safe, like any other sexual activity, it does carry some risks, explains Johnson. “The biggest health risk from rimming comes from the fact that the butthole is an exit point for waste, and as such, can have bacteria and parasites that can make you sick,” he says. Drug-resistant shigella is currently on the rise, particularly in queer male communities. Giardia and hepatitis are also concerns.
“Sexually transmitted infections (STIs), particularly those transmitted from skin-to-skin contact, like herpes, syphilis, HPV, and monkeypox, can be spread back and forth through rimming and microabrasions around the mouth and anus,” Johnson says. Recent evidence shows that saliva can carry infectious gonorrhea, and gonorrhea can be caught by both the insertive and receptive rimming partners (i.e., the rimmer and the rimmee). Luckily, chlamydia is primarily transmitted through insertive anal play vs. oral-anal play, so there is a lower risk of getting chlamydia through rimming. As far as HIV transmission goes, rimming is considered safer sex. “There have been no confirmed cases of HIV through oral-anal contact,” he says.
HOW CAN I REDUCE THE SEXUAL HEALTH RISKS INVOLVED WITH RIMMING?
It’s essential that you are regularly undergoing comprehensive oral, genital, and anal evaluations, including full panels for STI screenings (oral and anal swabs, bloodwork, and urine samples) to reduce your risk of contracting STIs and other types of infections. “Some people even go one step further and have routine stool studies done, too, to look for parasites, etc., since many people wouldn’t necessarily know that they have them,” explains Goldstein.
Other commonsense tips include avoiding rimming if you or your partner has been sick, is experiencing symptoms of a possible stomach bug (like diarrhea), or has an active STI. “Once playtime is over, be sure to shower, clean off any part of your body that you played with, and gargle with Listerine (only the original kind) to help lower the risk of certain STI transmissions,” Goldstein says.
SHOULD I USE PROTECTION OR BARRIERS WHEN EATING ASS?
Dental dams can be used during rimming. “However, most people choose not to because it dramatically diminishes the sensations for both the receiver and giver,” Goldstein says. Truthfully, it’s just a risk that most people take, similar to how most people don’t use condoms when receiving or giving a blowjob, even though you can transmit gonorrhea and chlamydia through oral sex.
HOW TO RELAX WHILE GETTING YOUR ASS EATEN
The first time you get your ass eaten, you may feel tense and clench your hole reflexively. Fight the urge to do so. To really enjoy the sensations, you want to relax. You want your butthole to be loose. So, first and foremost, make sure you’re in a comfortable position. Then take a lot of slow, deep, diaphragmatic breaths. Last but certainly not least, make sure you’re aroused. That may mean you have a hot makeout session before your partner licks your anus, or they stroke your penis until you’re hard/eat out your vagina. Once you’re aroused, your partner can start eating the booty like groceries!
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based columnist, author, and sex expert whose work focuses on sexuality, culture, and the LGBTQ community. He is the author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto.
He currently has two columns: “Sexplain It” at Men’s Health, and “Navigating Non-Monogamy” at Cosmo. He is also the founder and editor-in-chief of Boyslut Zine, which publishes real sex stories from kinksters worldwide. His work on sexuality and relationships has been published in The New York Times, Rolling Stone, The Washington Post, and many others.
This post was written by a guest blogger, and all opinions and ideas expressed are that of the author. All ideas included are for educational and entertainment value, and do not constitute medical advice.
