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By Sara Youngblood Gregory

When it comes to sex, it’s good to get out of routines and into something that feels hot and adventurous. Role play, spanking, and mild kink can bring new electricity to the bedroom. If you’re looking to go beyond the basics and step into the wilder side of sex, talk with your partner about introducing spanking, role play, and toys into your routine. 


Spanking is an open-handed slap on the ass or upper thighs, and it’s all about impact and sensation. The sting, the red imprint of a palm, the surprise, and the whoosh of air all add extra layers of feeling—both emotional and physical—to sex. Plus, it’s just hot.

Before doing anything, ask about past injuries and tender areas, and go over Red Zones (areas you should never strike). Red Zones include the abdomen, lower back, spine, knees, ankles, elbows, and ears. These areas are not padded with fat and muscles and are extremely vulnerable to injury. Check out this visual representation of Red, Green, and Yellow Zones.

When trying out spanking, give plenty of time for warm-up. Get used to being spanked as much as you offer spanks—the point is to get horny, but also to communicate. “Harder, baby” means something different to everyone!

To add extra sensation, use the paddle side to slap your partner’s ass and thighs, then use the dildo handle for penetration—but only if they beg for it!

For an extra layer of submission and dominance, get turned on by giving or receiving a strap-on BJ. The LIMBA FLEX adjustable dildo, which has a poseable shaft, can adapt for strap-on play, pegging, or G-spot stim.

Role Play

Role play is the act of creating an erotic fantasy with one or more people. Though intimidating at first, creating a mutual role play is as easy as finding what turns you on (Outlander reenactments? Sexy aliens? Playful kitten vibes?).

Role play is amazing because you get to tap into another character’s desires and sexual tastes. If you’re shy about butt play or double dildos, inhabit a character who is bolder and brattier. (Though obviously, if you’re truly not into something, don’t force it.) To make the transition to butt stuff easier, try B BALLS DUO, a plug with weighted balls that move along with you. Pro tip: Once you’ve inserted B BALLS DUO, place a vibrator against the base and enjoy the internal rocking sensation (which you’ll also feel if you get spanked).

For dildo play, try SHARE, a double-ended dildo. Have one partner already wearing the toy while fully clothed. Meet as “strangers” and hook up in a car, motel, or back home. It’s thrilling to enjoy mutual penetration, and to know your partner is wearing your favorite cock.


After any new sexual experience, set aside some time to take care of each other and reconnect. Drink water, cuddle, offer praise and go over what went well and what can be improved. Sex is all about connection—before, after, and during.


Sara Youngblood Gregory is a queer sex and culture writer. She covers sex, kink, bdsm, disability, and wellness for queer and trans folks. Sara also serves on the board of the lesbian literary and arts journal Sinister Wisdom. Her work has been featured in Vice, HuffPost, DAME, Bustle, and Refinery29, among others. You may also know Sara from her sex-focused instagram, @sinister.spinster. For more of her work, visit her website

This post was written by a guest blogger, all opinions and ideas expressed are that of the author. All ideas included are for educational and entertainment value, and do not constitute medical advice.

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