If you’re getting into the spirit of the season, you’ll need more than just decorations and desserts. The absolutely practical and definitely real sex positions below will help you feel all the wonderment and joy of the holidays.
Santa Claus is coming—are you?
Frosty the Heauxman: Grab your harness and your go-to dildo and put them in the freezer for at least two hours. Take them out when you’re ready to play and wear them with a scarf—only a scarf. Use snow as lube.
The Scissor Gingers: Grind against each other and rub your bits together without any kind of insertion. Use a powerful vibe like MISS BI to push their (gumdrop) buttons. When your partner moans, use royal icing to draw a smile on their face.
Cocoa for Two: Bring a versatile vibe into a bath or giant bowl of hot chocolate. Lick whipped cream off your partner. Use a marshmallow as a sex pillow.
Reindeer Style: This one’s the same as doggy style, except the receiver has to wear a leash or a harness. The giver needs to wear a red prosthetic nose—bonus points if it lights up. Take it to the next level by tying jingle bells to your feet.
The Handy Elf: Perform hand sex on your partner while they do the same for you. If your partner has a penis, you could use NŌS to stimulate the perineum. Get busy in a tiny workshop for maximum privacy.
These illustrations were made in collaboration with the wonderful Jessika Savage.