By Sara Youngblood Gregory
If you’re looking to spice up your sex life, the key is to be communicative, adventurous, and a little freaky. So, where will your next sex adventure take you? Read on for some inspiration.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex
The best way to have the sex life you’re craving is just to be honest—fly your freak flag proudly! If you’ve fallen into a dry spell, or even a dusty routine that leaves you both wanting more, watch porn together and get inspired (check out ethical sites like Lust Cinema, Pink Label, and Crash Pad). Don’t make sex a chore—be flirty, open-minded, and open to new ideas.
If you’re feeling shy or low on ideas, use a Yes/No/Maybe list to guide the conversation and find areas of overlapping interest. All FUN FACTORY toys come with a Yes/No/Maybe list of acts and positions, so start there, then expand your list to include things like “Hot Wax,” “Sex Outside,” “Rope Bondage,” and “Nipple Torture.” Remember, the point of the Yes/No/Maybe list isn’t to do everything, but instead to find something new you and your partner can get excited about.
Mutual masturbation—when partners pleasure themselves together—is especially arousing because it incorporates voyeurism and exhibitionism. Masturbating is hot and watching your partner grinding, coming, or squirting will make you want to touch each other even more.
You can make mutual masturbation a little kinkier by introducing more intense sensations and riskier locations. If you usually have sex in bed, move to the floor, shower, car, or mirror. While experimenting with location, set aside a toy or two for each partner and have lube on hand—especially if you’re jerking off in the tub or shower.
For penis owners, vibrating c-rings like NŌS make erections more intense and longer-lasting. While you’re in the shower playing with NŌS—it’s waterproof, like all of FUN FACTORY’s toys—introduce some light CBT, or cock and ball torture, with genital spanks, rough ball play, and pinching. For vulva owners, shower masturbation offers sexy opportunities for golden showers and piss play—but always ask first!
While using toys, it’ll be hard to contain your orgasm, but edging—bringing oneself to the brink of orgasm, then stopping—will make climax more intense. Encourage each other to edge until you come together.
Playing with Power
After experimenting with mutual masturbation, think about your sexual script—the steps, conversations, and cues that take you and your partner from sitting around to having sex—and identify its patterns. Mix up who’s in charge and who submits.
Introduce playful games to break out of your typical script. Try a game where you're not allowed to touch each other with your hands—only your mouths. The first person to moan has to abide by a mutually agreed-upon rule (for example, loser has to beg for more attention or take off an article of clothing). Take turns worshipping each other’s bodies on your knees (and maybe have a hot wax massage with the Sex Magic Massage Candle).
If you’re looking for something a little more curated, try a BLOW & GLOW Kit. Challenge one partner to try out total submission as you stimulate their penis with MANTA or their labia with NŌS. Tease the submissive with a little erotic humiliation—like calling them a slut—and spanking their ass and inner legs with a vibrator, paddle, or your hands.
Whatever you choose to explore, let yourself be surprised with your own sexual tastes—there’s no limit to the freaky pleasure you and your partner can have!
Sara Youngblood Gregory is a queer sex and culture writer. She covers sex, kink, BDSM, disability, and wellness for queer and trans folks. Sara also serves on the board of the lesbian literary and arts journal Sinister Wisdom. Her work has been featured in Vice, HuffPost, DAME, Bustle, and Refinery29, among others. You may also know Sara from her sex-focused instagram, @sinister.spinster. For more of her work, visit her website.
This post was written by a guest blogger, and all opinions and ideas expressed are that of the author. All ideas included are for educational and entertainment value, and do not constitute medical advice.