Is it time to break up with your O?

Let’s say a hot fantasy has been running through your mind all day, and you finally get some time alone in bed. What do you do? If you’re like most people, you have a reliable way of getting yourself off, and you use it again and again. 

There’s no shame in having a go-to masturbation method. When life gets busy, we all reach for the easy O like we reach for a frozen burrito: 4 minutes on high and we’re satiated if not totally satisfied. There’s nothing wrong with that, but believe us when we say there is always room to expand your O. 

Refreshing your orgasm is a way of connecting with yourself—and, by the way, you don’t have to focus exclusively on orgasm, either. For some people, medication, stress, and other factors make it difficult to climax, but they can still have a satisfying sex life! Here, we’re using “orgasm” broadly to mean “sublime pleasure,” which is something you deserve.  

Answer the questions below to see if you’re in a rut, and then check back here every week for tips on expanding your pleasure.

  1. Do you typically masturbate with your body in the same position? 
  2. Do you typically use the same toy when you masturbate? 
  3. Do you tend to masturbate at the same time of day? 
  4. Do you tend to pleasure yourself in the same setting every time? 
  5. During masturbation, do you tend to skip the lube? 
  6. Is it usually quiet (no music) when you masturbate? 
  7. Do you tend to spend a similar amount of time for each masturbation session? 
  8. Do you usually touch the same hot spots when you masturbate? 
  9. Do you usually have the same fantasies when you masturbate? 
  10. Do you tend to watch the same porn when you masturbate? 

Your Results 

0-3 Yeses: Good for you—you’re already pretty adventurous in your solo play. Pleasure is a priority for you, and it shows. You may already follow some of the tips we’ll share in the coming weeks, but you’ll still want to tune in for week four, when we share advice on edging and hacks for using our toys. 

4-7 Yeses: You’re definitely having some FUN, but there’s still way more to explore. You’re a person who seeks variety, and you can find more than you might have realized! Check out our tips on enhancing your space and stimulating different hot spots in the coming weeks. 

8-10 Yeses: You’ve got your orgasm down to a science, which is quite an achievement. This month, commit to a sexy experiment and see if our tips help you climax in new ways. You can change your mindset, your physical space, the hot spots you please, the tools you use, and more. The results will thrill you. 

With your quiz result in mind, set yourself up for success by reflecting on your existing pleasure practices. Take an honest account of what might be feeling stuck, and keep an eye out for habits or stigmas that might be limiting your pleasure. Then, kick off your Masturbation May makeover by following the steps below!

Set and Setting

You could be the horniest person in the world, but if you’re staring at a sink full of dirty dishes and stressed from your day at work, you probably won’t be in the mood. In other words, your environment matters. Choosing the right set and setting—that is, your mindset and surroundings—can make the difference between a satisfying solo session and none at all.  

(Do you recognize the term “set and setting” from the world of psychedelics? We’re borrowing it here for a different kind of mind-bending experience.) 

The first step is taking the pressure off. Remind yourself that masturbation doesn’t have to end in orgasm to be pleasurable. Sometimes, climax is more reachable than others, and that’s true for everyone. Factors like medication, stress, hormonal fluctuations, and erectile issues can make it more difficult, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on sexual satisfaction altogether. 

Orient yourself toward pleasure, not coming. Psychologically, it may feel better when your play isn’t goal-oriented.

The next step in cultivating a pleasure-positive mindset is considering anything you’ve always wanted to try, but haven’t. Let yourself linger in fantasy land. If anything you’re craving is do-able solo, then give yourself permission to do it! 

The final step in getting into the right mindset? Choosing a cue that means it’s time for FUN. The cue doesn’t have to be anything fancy—you won’t always have time to make yourself a plate of aphrodisiac snacks and change your bedding to silk sheets. It could be as simple as pouring yourself your favorite beverage in a nice glass or putting on a sexy playlist

Nora’s Tip: Having small pleasure rituals can help you stay connected to your sensual side even when you're not actually self-pleasuring. It can be as simple as applying lotion to your skin after a shower! Admire your freckles, stretch marks, and wrinkles, and revel in the way you feel under your own fingertips.*

How do you arrange the perfect, pleasure-friendly setting? It all depends on how much time you have. Maybe you have the freedom to light votives and scatter rose petals, or maybe you’re rushed and can only make tiny tweaks. At a minimum, you can put any dirty laundry or detritus in an under-bed basket. Don’t masturbate while looking at dirty laundry! You can also make charging your toys part of your regular cleaning routine. 

As for the best toys to use, it all depends on your preferences, but some are better for hard-and-fast stimulation and some are better for slow exploration. (Our blog post, “Pulsators for Quickies vs. Slowgasms,” breaks down the differences among our self-thrusters.) VIM, our new vibrating wand, can do either. It can please any body, but it’s most popular with clits. 

If you have a prostate and like to take it slow, try inserting a butt plug like BOOTIE and rocking against it—you can stroke your penis for more stimulation if you want, or hold a vibe against the butt plug’s base for more intensity. Or you could give yourself a stronger, more sensitive erection using NŌS, our vibrating c-ring, and experiment with different strokes. Whatever you try, don’t be afraid to indulge. 

Lube is a must. Incorporating lube into your play, no matter whether it’s a long or short session, takes the pressure off and makes everything feel more comfortable. 

Ready to try our set and setting tips?

We’ll making ‘em even easier—take 15% off Sliquid lubes with code SETITUP. Happy exploring! 

*For more about pleasure rituals, read Jade T. Perry's guest blog, Sensual Magick for All Bodies. All ideas included are for educational and entertainment value, and do not constitute medical advice. 

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