HOW TO USE A WAND VIBRATOR FOR SEXUAL PLEASURE

There are few sex toys more well-known and iconic than the wand vibrator. Many people mistakenly believe there’s only one way to use wand vibrators sexually: for clitoral stimulation during masturbation. But that’s thinking small. There are countless ways you can use the wand massager with your partner, and in this piece, we break them all down. 

What is a vibrating wand?

Developed over 50 years ago, the first wand vibrator was marketed as a “body massager.” (And, for the record, it did look like a regular back massager with its easy-to-grip base and bulbous vibrating head.) While you can still use the wand as a massager, it has had another purpose for five decades: making people orgasm. 

Many folks discovered the wand’s “true” purpose through sexologist Betty Dodson. According to Engadget, she bought her first vibrating wand at Macy’s. Then, in the ‘70s, she began using the toy in her women-only workshops, which taught women how to masturbate. The rest, as they say, is history. 

In the past half-century, the wand has come a long way. “[Vibrating wands] have evolved to be prettier, have more varying intensity levels, be cordless, and have attachments,” says sex therapist Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, host of The Wright Conversations podcast. “The possibilities are endless with this type of toy.”

How to use a wand massager for the first time

If you’ve never used a wand massager before, you’ll want to start by using the sex toy by yourself. (Once you know what you like, you can then use it with a partner). 

You’ll want to apply water-based lube directly to your vulva and the toy's head. (Many vibrator wands are made of silicone, and using silicone-based lube can erode and destroy the wand.) From there, lying on your back, start on the lowest level and explore. See where exactly it feels most pleasurable. For many people with vulvas, it’s their clitoris, but some also enjoy vibrations on their labia and vagina. If you feel comfortable, increase the vibration speed and look at various vibration patterns to see what feels most pleasurable. 

Remember that you don’t have to stay in the same position. Try pleasuring yourself while you’re on your back, side, stomach, knees, etc.

How can you bring out a vibrating wand without your (cis male) partner feeling threatened?

Before we delve into the various ways to use a vibrating wand during partnered sex, let’s first address how to talk to your partner about using one in the bedroom. Even though it’s 2023, many men still feel threatened or emasculated if their partner wants to use a vibrator during sex. These men feel like they should be able to satisfy their partner without any assistance, and if they can’t, they’ve “failed” in their sacred duty as a man. Because of this, they’re not the most open to their partners whipping out a vibrating wand as things start heating up. 

“Keep it light, emphasizing the wand as an accessory—a fun toy—not a replacement for his penis,” Diana M. Nikkhah, LMSW, says. If he reacts defensively, be calm and gentle. Ask him why he’s uncomfortable with the idea and listen with empathy while validating his feelings. “Then explain what a turn-on it is for you to have him use the wand on your clitoris, for him to be in control of the cadence—perhaps a little tease and denial—with this new high-tech orgasm experience,” she says. You can also suggest using it on the base or head of his penis, Nikkhah adds. “Holding it there while gently squeezing his cock feels great. Once he tries it, he will be the one running to use it in bed!” 

8 ways to use a wand vibrator

There are endless ways to use a vibrating wand on yourself, on your partner, and together. And when you pair penetration with the power of the wand, you’ll likely have some of the most intense orgasms of your entire life. Below, we briefly explain the many ways you can use a wand.  

1. Clitoral stimulation

Clitoral stimulation is the bread and butter of the best wand vibrators. That’s typically what most people use them for. Simply press the head of the wand to your clitoris. Explore various speeds and vibration patterns. While many folks enjoy using the vibrating wand while on their backs, with their knees bent, that’s only one position you can use for clitoral stimulation. You can flip over and apply pressure on your stomach with your butt slightly raised. This position really allows you to grind up on the wand itself.  

2. Stimulation during foreplay

While the wand is great to whip out at the end of a sexual session to help you orgasm, you can also bring it out in the beginning. For example, using a wand on yourself while your partner kisses you or sucks on your nipples is a great way to get aroused. Once you’re feeling relaxed and turned on, your partner can start penetrating you, at which point you can remove the wand, or you can continue to use the wand on your clitoris while they penetrate you. Or, if you’re playing solo, you can switch to another, larger toy that focuses more on internal stimulation than external.

3. Penis play

4. External stimulation of nipples

You don’t have to use a vibrating wand only on the vagina or clitoris. If you have sensitive nipples, the soft touch of a vibrating wand against your nipples can feel incredible. It can feel particularly intense and pleasurable if you have nipple piercings.

5. Internal stimulation for people with vaginas

“There are wands made for internal vaginal stimulation, and there are attachments for an external wand meant for internal vaginal stimulation,” Wright says. That said, most wands, as they are, are not for interval vaginal stimulation. (Not to worry, you can do plenty of other things!) 

6. Anal stimulation

An external vibrating wand could provide anal stimulation and pleasure in many ways, Wright explains. “You could just hold the wand to the outside of the anus or the perineum.” (The perineum is the patch of skin between your genitals and your anus; it’s colloquially referred to as the “taint” or “grundle.”) It’s usually not advisable to insert a wand anally. “Generally speaking, it’s meant for external stimulation unless there’s an attachment attached to it,” she says. 

7. Massage for relaxation and stress relief

Let’s not forget, the wand was originally a body massager, so it’s fun to use it during erotic massages. First, have your partner lie on their belly, naked, and start on the lowest vibration. Then, once your partner feels relaxed and loose, you can turn up the vibrations and dig into the knots in their back. After a while, move the wand down to their genitals. From there, you can start getting real naughty.

8. Best sex positions for using the wand during couples' play

This is something you need to explore with your partner. “It can be tricky because some wands are so big and bulky, but I like to use mine while my partner fucks me from behind or when he’s on top,” says Sophie Saint Thomas, author of Sex Witch. “Those are the best angles in my experience.” 

That said, there is no “right” answer. “Honestly, most positions are great for incorporating a vibrator wand; it mostly depends on the weight and size of the wand and the size of the bodies having penetrative sex,” Wright says. “Try to hold the wand where you want as you’re being penetrated and ask your partner to move around as needed. Communication is key.” 

Ready for the Adventure?

We mentioned that wands have continued to get better and better, and VIM, the new vibrating wand from FUN FACTORY, is proof. 

Two of the biggest issues people have with wands are that they’re loud and heavy. Well, VIM is 32% lighter (it weighs less than a pound) and 50% quieter than the leading wand on the market. VIM also has a broader range of rumbly vibrations than the leading wand; you can fine-tune the vibrations in each setting by pressing and holding the (+) button to make vibrations stronger and pressing and holding the (–) button to make vibrations softer. So, you can use the wand during every stage of play, from warmup to orgasm. 

VIM comes in two colors: Sunrise Orange and Midnight Blue. It’s splash-proof (for all the squirters out there) and rechargeable. (There’s nothing worse than being about to orgasm only for the batteries to die on you. So a rechargeable wand is vital.) 

The head and neck of VIM are flexible, moving slightly with pressure, which allows you to better angle the wand against your genitals from various positions. Last but not least, it also has a two-year warranty, so if anything happens to it, you can easily get it replaced.

FAQs

Should you use a condom when using a wand? 

If you’re in a monogamous relationship, don’t worry; just wash and maintain your toys as usual to prevent bacteria from spreading. If you have multiple partners, “using a condom is a great safer-sex practice [to prevent STIs],” Wright says. 

But it’s not necessarily obligatory. “In my opinion, whether you use condoms over it or not is between you and your partner, and there is no wrong answer,” Saint Thomas says. 

How should you wash your wand after play?

Whether you use a condom or not, you’ll want to wash your vibrating wand after every use. You increase your chances of getting a UTI or STI if you don’t wash your toys properly. The good news is that they’re relatively simple to clean. “You can just use mild soap and water,” Saint Thomas says. “But there are an array of toy cleaners on the market if you prefer.”